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GOD of a man
“Never give up your fight or you’ll only live to regret it.”
Chapter Thirty One: So you do believe in GOD
Dated: 1st March, 2427
The only thing predictable about life is its’ unpredictability, and borne out of this unpredictability are situations that confront if not the existence of an individual then, his morality and conscience, everything or anything dear to him, or whatever he stands for. Every individual caught between the two grinding stones of life is forced to make a choice, either to make a stand and fight, or take a course of least resistance to get out of the rut. The easiest option always happens to be a quick dash for the exit. But that escape lingers on as a less frequented and much repented memory in the library of human brain, etched for eternity. The escapes live on to witness the situation unfold again and again in their heads, regretting every time how they could have done things differently. Not necessarily because their alternate actions would have changed the outcome of the situation in their favour, in fact it could have very well snowballed into a major catastrophe. But simply because they would have been able to face up to themselves every time they are lonely enough to confront self. Their conscience wouldn’t be piercing their heart and inflicting unbearable pain, a pain not enough to make them die yet uncomfortable enough not to let them live at peace with it.
As the sun rose for another bright peaceful day, Steve opened his eyes to a surprise he had lost all hope of ever witnessing again in his life. As Steve washed his face with the salty water of the sea and looked up, his surprise was bigger than the joy that filled his heart. “Clara,” he instinctively called out, rather yelled out.
“What happened?” the shout was loud enough to wake up Clara who was sleeping metres away from the sea. As Clara got up from her bed of sand lined with a penguin skin mattress, she looked at Steve.
“They are here Clara! They are here!” Steve rushed out of the waters shouting joyfully at the top of his voice and pointing in the direction of the arriving ship.
“Oh my GOD, they are!” Clara was delighted too as she grabbed her surprised face in her hands. “Look who’s here! Your uncle Ono is here!” Clara grabbed her child in her lap as Katsuo woke up from his sleep thanks to all the commotion ever witnessed on the Adelaide shores in centuries. Clara played with Katsuo joyfully, stroking his chin and repeating the same thing over and over, “Your grandma will be here! She will take you in her arms and love you!”
“My wife is coming! My child is coming!” Steve was delighted, “Oh! I don’t even know what my wife calls him, or is it her?” His joy was boundless, he felt like jumping up and down and dancing like a child, in gay abandon with no worries of future. It was pure bliss for him, Clara and the lovely little innocent Katsuo.
They waited impatiently for the ships to sail across the last few miles, Steve walking haphazardly all over the place rubbing his hands in excitement while Clara rocked her son at times and held him close to her chest the others. She was singing anything that was coming to her mind. Steve wanted to be with his wife and hold his child for the first time, Clara wanted to show her and Nakata’s boon to Aika, her mother-in-law whom she was expecting to be too eager to see her beloved late son’s naturally born child so much so as to not miss the first trip to Adelaide shores. She was imagining how Ono would grab her son in his arms and would feel elated his brother is not dead after all. She was thinking of all the love and adulation her son will get from the people of Hatsu Saisho and how he will be the cynosure of all eyes for being the first naturally born child in ages. She was hoping people will learn to believe in GOD once again.
The motley crew of an LCM-8 and nine rafts waded its’ way through the calm waters majestically. Robin stood at the top of the deck, flanked by Daniel, Larry and Shiva while Andy manned the wheel. Robin stood with the studied elegance of a leader, his hands held behind his back, head held high and eyes looking straight ahead. An expression less face completed the Presidential look. The LCM was the first one to touch the shores as Steve and Clara rushed towards its’ docking spot. The nine rafts were vigorously oared toward the shore in a straight line, one after the other and behind the LCM-8.
As soon as the rafts touched the shore a loud cheer broke out. Everybody raised their arms up in unison and cheered and hugged each other. The chants of Robin’s name filled the air as Robin waved to everyone and was the first one to land on the shore and the rest followed suit.
Steve rushed towards them and hugged Robin, “Oh my brother, am I glad to see your beautiful face! You saved my life!”
Everybody had meanwhile gathered on the shore and now they started chanting Steve’s name.
“Shiva my friend, how are you?” Steve was overcome with emotions as he embraced Shiva with pleasure.
“I am fine! It’s so nice to see your face again,” Shiva said wiping his tears.
“Where are my wife and kid?” Steve asked.
“I am here!” Demetria emerged from the crowd. Their eyes met for the first time in nearly two years. They both stood still, looking at each other as if two adolescent lovers are looking into each other’s eyes for the first time. Their eyes brimmed and tears rolled down their whether beaten cheeks.
Not a single eye was left dry on that shore at this blissful reunion to be, almost not a single. As everybody wiped their moist eyes a child’s giggle attracted everyone’s attention. Everybody turned around and saw Clara standing there with her child held aloft in her arms and a big smile on her face, her face shining radiantly as she was choked with emotions to speak out a single word.
“Steve!” Demetria cried out, unaware of any other happening in the immediate surrounds.
“Demi!” Steve was as ignorant as well.
The two almost rushed towards each other only to be stopped in their stride by Robin who stepped right in the middle of the two.
“Whose child is that?” Robin’s hatefully coarse voice shattered the peaceful bliss of the moment.
“Sorry!” Clara thought she’s perhaps heard it all wrong.
“I said whose child is that?” Robin raised the pitch of his voice.
“That’s Nakata’s child! My husband Nakata’s,” Clara was taken aback by the unexpected stance taken by Robin.
“Don’t you dare lie to us!” Robin roared his loudest, “Speak the truth! Whose child is this?”
“What do you mean?” Steve erupted like a volcano shattering its’ dormancy, “That is Nakata’s child! Don’t you know it?”
“Nakata’s child! You’re kidding!” Robin put his hands on waist, walked up to Steve and confronted him.
“Whose child could it possibly be,” Daniel took the cue and joined in, “Who was on this deserted place?” And murmuring started amongst all those present on the shore.
“It’s Nakata’s son!” Steve took a couple of steps towards Robin who immediately withdrew.
“He’s right! It is Nakata’s son!” Andy jumped in to Steve’s defence.
“Have you completely lost your mind?” Robin immediately questioned him, “Talking all that nonsense about GOD is one thing but this is taking things to ridiculous extremes. Have you forgotten everything completely?”
“This man has lost his mind completely due to our sufferings at sea,” Daniel joined Robin in dismissing Andy’s witness, “He doesn’t even know what he is saying.”
“I know exactly what I am saying!” Andy retorted back with vengeance, “We married Nakata and Clara before Nakata died. Have you people lost all fear of GOD?”
“We never did!” Daniel retorted back.
“See! I told you. He can’t be taken seriously! He is hallucinating,” Robin replied, “If you don’t believe him ask Doctor Natalie whose patient he is. Am I right Doctor Natalie?”
“I cannot comment on what happened between the six of you as I wasn’t with you people but I don’t see any reason not to believe Andy’s version,” Natalie defended Andy.
“But you do agree that he believes in hypothetical things, doesn’t he?” Daniel asked her, “Things like GOD, HIS way and HIS meddling in our lives?”
“Yes he does!” Natalie replied in affirmative.
“Well thanks Natalie, I guess we all know whom to listen to and whom not to,” Daniel finished the argument about Andy’s ability to provide witness.
“What do you mean whom to believe or not? He is telling the truth,” Steve tried to put his weight behind Andy’s witness.
“Will you stop lying and take responsibility?” Robin exclaimed as he gulped a big lump down his throat, aware of what he was doing and scared of what Steve could do.
“Take responsibility for what?” Steve roared in Robin’s face as he stepped up to him and grabbed him from his collar.
“Watch what you’re doing Steve! He’s our president!” Shiva cautioned him.
“He’s what?” Steve was shocked, “But, what about you?”
“I quit to join a search and rescue mission for you people and we were lucky to have saved Robin, Daniel and Andy from perishing at the sea,” Shiva answered, “Your wife was the President at that time before Robin and Daniel exposed you and your dirty tricks including that of using your wife to seduce Joseph Jenkins, our former President!”
Steve was left speechless for a moment before he turned and looked at his wife whose eyes started flowing profusely as she dropped her head down. “That’s a lie!” Steve meekly replied.
“We all know what the truth is Steve. Now tell us this is your child,” Shiva stated, convinced that the child was indeed Steve and Clara’s.
“I accept that I used my wife to seduce Joseph for revenge and I brought Robin along with me for revenge as well but trust me, this is indeed Nakata’s child,” Steve accepted his role in Joseph expose, even if reluctantly.
“You are still lying Steve,” Shiva refused to accept his statement, “Robin and Daniel have told us that Nakata perished a day before you people reached the shores and also how you forced them at gun point to take the dangerous journey back while you stayed behind with Clara.”
“That’s filthy lies,” Clara who was shaken by all that has been happening finally broke her shackles and blurted out, “This is Nakata’s child. Steve is a great man who’s helped me in the tough time we had over here and that is all.”
“What did you say? Whose child is it?” Aika emerged from the crowd along with Ono and asked.
“Mother, it is your son Nakata’s child, see!” Clara moved closer to her and pressed her child, “Look at his face!”
A loud resounding slap echoed along the shores as Aika went ballistic at Clara, “You cheap-stake dirty woman! How dare you even associate my son’s name with your dirty self?”
Clara was left speechless and stunned, she couldn’t even cry.
“The whole town knows my son was a noble soul. He would never ever associate with a girl like you. Who knows how many men you have used in your life,” Aika was fierce in her assault. There was no way she would accept Clara’s child as one belonging to her son’s lineage.
Clara looked at Ono who spewed more venom at her, “You dirty woman, don’t you ever dare take my brother’s name!” And Ono spit on her face.
Clara almost fainted only for Steve to rush around and hold her from falling.
“Have you people lost all your shame and humanity?” Steve retorted.
“See who is hurt now and what their true chemistry is,” Robin used the opportunity to sow the seeds of doubt deeper.
“I will show you the real chemistry,” Steve exclaimed as he rushed back to his belongings on the side of the beach.
Meanwhile everybody started shaming Clara for her past misdeeds. Clara broke down and collapsed on her knees, her innocent child still in her arms, twisting his head around looking at what was happening.
“Now say what you have to say! Now speak your truth!” Steve rushed back with his gun and pointed it straight at Robin’s head.
“Have you gone nuts? Someone please stop this crazy man!” Robin got scared and tried to fall back and hide in the crowd.
“Come here you scoundrel and speak your truth now!” Steve fumed as he took an aim at Robin as everybody around him shrieked and scattered away.
Robin panicked, “Somebody please help me!”
“Say what you were saying!” Steve roared as his finger approached the trigger.
“How many of us are you going to kill?” Steve’s wife Demetria walked in front of Robin, her arms stretched out, “He was right! You are a monster!”
“Demi!” Steve was shocked at his wife’s stance as he immediately lowered his weapon, “He is lying! I am innocent! Trust me!”
“Trust you?” Demetria replied with hatred in her voice, “Steve, I’ve been your wife for long enough to not to!”
“He is lying! Ask Andy!” Steve pleaded.
“We all know who is lying and who is not! Your actions speak for themselves Steve!” Shiva intervened, “I am ashamed to have thought of you as my friend!”
“Shiva, you too,” Steve nearly broke down, “You know me longer than my wife, since we were kids! Please don’t say that! Kill me but don’t say you don’t trust me!”
“Steve, I don’t know this man standing in front of me anymore!” Shiva replied, “I am sorry Steve but you are a threat to the entire population of Hatsu Saisho. You can no longer be a part of our community. On behalf of the people of Hatsu and with my President’s permission, I excommunicate you with immediate effect and also pass the order for you to surrender your weapon!”
“Please don’t do it! You want my weapon, here take it! But please don’t excommunicate me! Please don’t separate me from my wife and child!” Steve pleaded as he cried and handed over his weapon to Shiva.
“I am sorry Steve, but until further notice you are hence forth no longer a part of our community,” Shiva was firm on the decision and no one present on the shore objected to it.
“Also Clara, you and your child are hence forth excommunicated as well,” Shiva completed the informal proceedings.
Demetria cried out loud as some other women in the group comforted her while Steve collapsed on to the beach, lying face down in sand and crying. Clara was still sitting motionless with her baby in her hands, but she was crying quietly. Her eyes were flowing continuously but not a single sigh escaped her lips anymore. She got up and walked towards Nakata’s grave.
“Could you please take me and my son to where our Nakata is buried,” a crying Aika requested Robin.
“I sure can Aika! I sure can! Your son was a jewel of Hatsu,” Robin replied as he led everybody to Nakata’s grave.
Meanwhile Clara had already reached Nakata’s grave and put her son besides it. She was sobbing quietly.
“That is your son’s grave,” Robin pointed out the grave to Aika and Ono.
“Get away from my son’s grave you filthy woman,” Aika roared and charged at Clara, “And take your dirty blood away from my son’s grave too or I will kill him.”
Clara immediately grabbed her child in the protection of her arms and moved away, “Please don’t hurt my child! Please don’t hurt my child! I promise I will never return to this grave until such time as you accept my child as your own.”
“Accept your dirty blood as my own, the living proof of your sins! Never!” Aika spit more venom at her.
Clara broke down inconsolably and ran away from the scene with her child. She ran to a solitary end of the beach and cried her heart out. She cried the whole day. She cried so much that her son forgot hunger for the whole day and sucked at it’s thumb instead, watching his poor innocent mother wail.
Late in the afternoon when Clara finally quietened down, the child cried out of hunger for the first time.
“I am sorry my son, I forgot! You must be hungry! Please forgive your mother!” Clara grabbed her son to feed him but forgot that she was herself hungry since the morning. There was nothing she could have fed her son. She needed to catch some food for herself before she could feed her son.
Her son cried of hunger relentlessly as she fished for his sake. GOD really tested her patience today as it took her nearly three hours before she could fish out some food for herself. She used water to pacify her hungry child all the time she could. She finally had her meal and after an hour or so, her child had the first meal of the day. She finally breathed easy.
She looked at her son and said, “I am sorry son, you had to suffer for my sins.” She broke down again.
Suddenly a loud commotion at the other end of the beach attracted her attention.
“Get the hell out of here and never ever come to me again,” Demetria yelled out hoarse at the top of her voice.
“You have been excommunicated!” Robin’s voice sounded soon after, “Leave us alone immediately or we will have to use force!”
“Yes! Do it! Hurt me!” Steve roared and got up to charge at Robin when Clara came running down to him and grabbed him from his arm.
“Don’t do it Steve! Don’t do it! That’s what he wants! That’s what he is trying to do to prove you are evil,” Clara pleaded.
“Let me go Clara! I will kill him!” Steve roared.
“No Steve, please don’t do it! Don’t do it if you love your wife and want to be back with her one day,” Clara collapsed to the ground and held Steve’s legs pleadingly.
“Yes! Take your lover away from here before we kill him,” Daniel joined in at his hateful best, “Take your lover and have another baby now!”
“Daniel!” Steve roared and charged towards him dragging Clara along.
“Get back Steve!” Shiva intervened with Steve’s gun pointing at Steve’s head, “Go away before we kill you!”
“Please Steve! Let’s go from here!” Clara pleaded with him.
“Go away Steve! You can never have me now!” Demetria told him flatly.
Steve gave out a loud painful yell and collapsed on to the ground as everybody else moved away from him. Clara comforted him and after much coaxing and cajoling was able to drag him away from the location.
“Why is your GOD doing this to me? Why?” Steve finally spoke after long silent sobbing.
“What?” Clara asked surprised.
“I said why is your GOD doing this to me? Why is HE hurting me? What wrong have I done against HIM?” Steve asked one too many questions.
“So you do believe in GOD?” Clara asked with a smile as tears rolled down her eyes.
“No I don’t! There is no such thing as GOD!” Steve retorted back.
“Then why are you blaming HIM for your misery?” Clara asked leaving Steve speechless.
“Because,” Steve tried hard but couldn’t explain it.
“Because blaming HIM for your misery relieves you of your pain. Doesn’t it?” Clara asked him again.
“I don’t know! Perhaps it does!” Steve took his time but finally realized what Clara was pointing at.
“Blaming HIM for your sufferings help you stand up and face yourself. Doesn’t it?” Clara asked him again.
“What do you mean?” Steve asked.
“Steve, we all make mistakes in our lives. We all know GOD is watching us and we all know HE will punish us for them but we still continue sinning and justifying our actions to ourselves. We comfort ourselves with the thought that there is no GOD and it was just a human invention to control other human beings,” Clara tried to explain.
“So,” Steve was all attention and already calm.
“When we suffer bad times and the going gets really tough on us we however find out the same GOD in our hearts and start to blame HIM for our misfortune and suffering. Do you why?” Clara asked.
“Why?” Steve didn’t know the answer.
“Because, by blaming HIM we avoid the origin of the thought that we are suffering the punishment for all that we have done wrong. By blaming HIM for our misfortune we try to steal the questions away from our conscience, questions that we wouldn’t either be able to answer to our conscience or questions whose answers are too uncomfortable for us. By blaming HIM we escape the prospect of facing ourselves,” Clara replied.
“So you are saying that I am suffering because of the mistakes I’ve made in my life?” Steve asked.
“Ask this question to yourself Steve and you will get your answer,” Clara replied.
Steve fell silent for a few moments. He finally asked Clara, “Then why are you suffering now? Haven’t you suffered enough already in the way of Nakata’s death?”
“No Steve! Punishment is always equal to our sins! Nakata died his own death but he left me a widow and lonely as that was my punishment for the loneliness Frank must have suffered during his last moments on this earth, the loneliness emerging from the fact that he has been cheated by the only person on this earth who belonged to him. I was the cause of two deaths, Frank’s directly and Mike’s indirectly. My life as a lonely widow is a punishment for that sin,” Clara replied.
“And what about what happened today? What is that a punishment for?” Steve asked her.
“What happened today was my punishment for the shameless acts that I committed, one of which even you were a part of and have been punished for it today by being blamed for my child,” Clara replied, “I had escaped the punishment for it so far but today my sins caught up with me. Now I am completely pure!”
“Then what about what I tried to do with you a few months back?” Steve asked.
“That was my punishment for willingly sleeping with you,” Clara replied.
“Then why is your son suffering for your sins?” Steve asked.
“He is not suffering for my sins. He is probably suffering for the sins he must have committed in his previous life, the sins that he hasn’t been punished for so far but his suffering or the thought of his suffering is actually a part of my punishment,” Clara replied.
“I don’t understand what you are saying,” Steve said.
“Steve, my son will suffer whatever he will because of his un-punished sins from his previous birth while I will see him suffer because of my unpunished sins,” Clara replied, “Sometimes when GOD can’t punish you directly because of your social stature and power, HE makes you suffer through the suffering of your kids.”
“So you think you haven’t already been punished enough?” Steve asked.
“I don’t know Steve. Maybe I have been. Only time will tell,” Clara answered, “If I have been punished my son will get accepted into his family and won’t suffer any humiliation when he grows up but if I haven’t, my son will live reminding me of my sins and administering me HIS punishment.”
“What if he has no unpunished sins against his name?” Steve asked.
“It’s not possible!” Clara replied, “If he has been born then he has to have some unpunished sins against his name else he would have made it to heaven already. However, how many sins are left against his name and how swear they were that only time will tell as his sufferings will unfold.”
“If you have explained all this then Clara, please explain this thing too, how can one get rid of the pain of suffering?” Steve asked.
“As soon as you will accept your sufferings to be an act of HIS justice and a punishment for your own sins, you won’t need to hide from your conscience anymore. You won’t be fighting two battles no longer, the battle against your troubles and the battle against your conscience. The knowledge that your sufferings are a punishment for your sins will ease the pain those sufferings cause by calming your sensitivity,” Clara explained.
“Will I get my wife and child back?” Steve’s eyes filled up when he asked Clara the only thing that was left bothering him.
“If you really love your wife then have complete faith in HIM,” Clara replied, “If HE has punished you for your sins then HE will make sure you get your love and life back as long as you don’t waver in your faith in HIM and trust yourself into HIS hands completely.”
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